My Monkey

May - started out with term papers and finals. That seems like a life time ago. I didn't think I'd ever get done with all that, but I did. Deciding when a good time for my ex to move out was my next big hurdle. My thoughts were the sooner the better because the process was feeling like taking a band aid off hair by hair and it was really hurting. The moving day was May 16th. That was a bitter sweet weekend- freedom
mixed with a feeling of an empty house. i just wanted to crawl out of my skin.
Next comes the job- or the "smoke screen" lay off with work. Just when I was beginning to get my feet back on the ground - another wave comes crashing towards me( or should I say this is my 'tornado' dream). So June brings a month of anxiety, indecisiveness as I wait it out and see if the hospital will 're-hire' for my position. Hopefully I will still be working come July 1st. my nerves are shot trying to figure out if I have a job or not. you see, it seems from past experience that when i hope i am wrong, i am usually right.
Single mom with two kids and no family anywhere close- it just seems to cave in on me.
I am overcome with waves of anxiety, and I don't feel like moving- just sitting still.
thank goodness for the encouragement of dear friends, and my kids who keep me laughing and the ever so distracting dogs !! ok ok ok- i know i must be going through this for a reason- and try not to fear change so much. There are a lot of things out there I would love to do (PHOTOGRAPHY ) and I know my job skills are unique . I am trying not to fear the unknown but instead look at it as a new future.
my my my i wonder what July holds for me....